Teens in Balance - Tara Cousineau, PhD

Renewed Faith In Seventeen Magazine: Now Committed to Showing "Real Girls"

Summer has arrived, schools here in New England we are seeing clusters of teenage girls worshiping the sun.  It is with some releif that the school year has ended, in particular that the drama of my daughter's 8th grade dance is over. The "Social", in many ways, marked the end of their middle school social careers. That they survived emotionally is, of course, something to celebrate.

Yet, the pressure to conform or to stand out in some admirable way is still paramount when it comes to social events. Scouring teen fashion magazines, hitting the malls, begging for more allowance or more babysitting gigs to drum up the cash for manicures, up-dos, eyebrow waxes and tanning lotions, these teen girls were on a mission. And it’s expensive.

The 8^th grade guys, on the other hand, had it relatively easy: khaki shorts or neat jeans, and maybe a new shirt—untucked, of course—that cost all of $20. In truth the girls dress up for, well, each other—not the guys. That is clear.

One wonders why the pressure to look stunning at 14 is so extreme. It’s not like it's the prom. Yet, one has only to look at the fashion rags or Tumblr sites. A recent tweet on my daughters’ feed (which she knows I “spot check” from time to time) reads “the girls on tumblr >>> want to be them" or “Jealous of all the girls who can wear no make-up & still look gorgeous.” Really, honey?

But I was once a teen and so I get it. I really really loved my Seventeen magazines. I so clearly remember my favorite cover girl in violet hues that I spent an hour online trying to locate it (I found it on eBay as a vintage item!). It shows model Lissane Falk in braids with an innocence that would not grace a cover today.

A Step in the Right Direction

So unrealistic are the cultural standards for beauty now and so insidious are the consequences for some girls (e.g., unhealthy dieting, body image issues, depression, eating disorders) that bottom up and top down efforts are starting to converge. In June 17 international editors of Vogue committed to doing something about the unrealistic requirements for fashion models, including a ban of hiring models under age 16. Vogue editor, Anna Wintour, in her letter from the editor states (June 2012 issue):

“Council of Fashion Designers of America (CFDA) with the support of Vogue announced its Health Initiative, which was created to encourage everyone in this country who works in fashion—editors, designers, photographers, and casting directors alike—to share the responsibility of fostering a climate where a vital and healthy physique is lauded and encouraged….”

And in  a curious defense of the industry, the editor goes on to write:

“Fashion has often been (wrongly) held up as an active agent in making women want to be excruciatingly thin, ignoring the complex genetic and psychosocial factors that contribute to eating disorders. Knee-jerk condemnation of many of the girls working today who are naturally blessed with slim bodies and exercise and eat well to maintain them is to be scrupulously avoided. So, too, is ignoring the way that obesity levels are rocketing upward, especially among the young, paving the way for all sorts of problems in the future. Making a stand with the Health Initiative signals renewed efforts to make our ideal of beauty a healthy one.”

It’s certainly a start for the fashion industry to commit to the health of their models, but if you look at the June issue of Vogue glorifying the physiques of Olympian athletes, one still has to wonder about what exactly is being promoted. It is but a rare few who reach elite levels in sports, just as it is the rare few who land in the pages of fashion magazines because they are “naturally blessed with slim bodies.”  Oh, to have models like Lisanne Falk again.

Teens are Demanding the Truth

More compelling and heartening are the efforts by teenage girls sprouting petitions demanding the fashion industry to make clear to readers that their spreads have been photo-shopped and to show “real” girls. Earlier this spring an 8th grader from Maine, Julia Bluhm, started a petition on Change.org entitled Seventeen Magazine: Give Girls Images of Real Girls, which reached 83,000 signatures in part due to some excellent media coverage. This inspired the "Keep It Real" challenge on Facebook which invited teen girls to post unphotoshopped images during the last week of June. The winner will be on a billboard in NYC. So succesful was this campaign the editor of Seventeen Magazine, Ann Shoket and her staff, committed to showing unaltered images of teen models. Two other teens, Carina and Emma, inspired by Julia's success are now petitioning Teen Vogue to do the same. (Vote here.)

Do Girls Need Warning Labels?

At BodiMojo, our teen interns have jumped on the voting bandwagon. And, we recenlty wrote about a 16 year old, Natalia Dinsmore, who started a similar petition (see BodiMojo interview) calling Fashion Industries: A notice which advocates truth in advertising, suggesting a warning label for consumers on the risks of exposure to unrealistic images of beauty. It’s a very compelling idea from a teenager and it’s with some good science to support it. According to numerous studies, exposure to fashion magazines and other forms of media can makes some girls feel terrible about their physical appearance and self-esteem.

How Can We Make our Messages Stick?

In our household we don’t have fashion magazine subscriptions. My daughter is already reading them at friend’s houses or viewing them on blogs. While this may be a band-aid solution, there is no reason to amplify the exposure of unrealistic beauty images at home (They haven't asked for the magazines, either).

It is not bad to covet the fashion media. After all, it is a source for trends that can help girls and women find their own sense of style or learn self-care tips that might not otherwise be taught at home. (Seventeen helped me discover my own style and teach me how to find makeup for my skin tone, after all.) But at the same time, girls need to understand that their beauty is about who they are and not what they look like. Seventeen just made a bold move.

I think I'll reconsider a Seventeen subscription for my daughters.

(A version of this artilce was psoted at BodiMojo.com.)

 

It’s official: I’m a mother of a teenager

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As of this month I am officially the mother of a teenage daughter. Thirteen. Hard to believe. And she’s milking the teen thing now.  Just like that, she’s got a sense of confidence and attitude, like she’s allowed to elbow with the rest of us.

The weirdest thing that is happening for me, though, is that I am finding myself dabbing on the mascara when I go out. (Aside from my lipstick, Clinique #83, Double Truffle, I stopped bothering with make-up long ago, opting for the au natural look). It started a week before her 13th birthday when she went to her first dance. The only make-up a few of us moms allowed the girls to wear was mascara and lip-gloss.  Yah, we’re so tough aren’t we? But then again why not join in on the experimentation. After all, the most these girls have been doing to make personal statements is wearing color pre-wrap on their hair at soccer. No tutus and stage make-up in this crew.

Of course, when I see the girls with smudged eye circles I remember why I stopped wearing the black ink. Why exaggerate the sleep deprived look? 

I know that my brief indulgence is but a fancy to soak up the youthful glee and excitement of these sweet girls in catching the attention of ...boys. It might also be why there is a spike in make-up sales among the tweens - mothers are definitely enabling the pubertal flights of fancy.

I took the girls out for a birthday dinner (three of six friends turned 13 over one weekend), followed by a sleepover. The winning choice this year was hardly mine: The Cheesecake Factory. The wait, even at a reasonable hour of 6pm, was 90 minutes.

 

“Mom, can you hold our place while we checkout some stores? We’re not buying anything. Text me when we’re about to be seated!”

What?!

And so it goes with the modern teenager. All that anti-consumerism, media literacy and car-ride chats on sensible choices waft quickly over the adolescent abyss, black streaks and all.

 

A week of mourning for our youth

Series: Tara’s Rants & Raves

Is anyone else’s heart breaking over the recent news of our young people? Last week’s news of the suicide of Rutgers University student, Tyler Clementi, 18 – and other recent suicides of youngsters just 13 years old – challenge our notions of tolerance, right to privacy, and human dignity.  One can only imagine the anguish of Tyler’s parents, and what I imagine would be the horrified and confused reaction of the perpetrators’ families. ("My child would never do this!") It’s difficult to accept that in an age of multicultural acceptance and openness to diversity – in particular among universities – that such “pranks” occur. But of course they do. The issue of wanting power over others will always exist, no matter what tools or means are handy… a webcam, the Internet, a threat, a gun, physical strength, emotional bribery, a crowd. 

On the anniversary of the original production of The Lamarie Project, the play that depicts the murder of Matt Shepard because he was gay, we are reminded again of the plight that so many of our gay and lesbian youth confront all too often. (The Laramie Project: 10 Years Later was recently performed at Emerson College, Boston.) In the twittersphere and YouTube, the message that has taken off in the wake of Tyler's suicide is a message of hope for GLBT teens:  it gets better. But where is the support now? Where is the support when these teens ask for help?  

Last week I commented on youth and online ethics, calling for a need to educate at all stages of youth development so that the lessons of common decency, regard for others, rules of online/offline etiquette and privacy can be mindfully and meaningfully absorbed. Adolescence entails a process of cognitive and emotional fits and starts and a progressive fine-tuning of thought processes, reasoning, problem-solving, and interpersonal skills that occur well into the early 20s – it’s important to repeat lessons so they can sink in.  The students who egregiously invaded Tyler’s privacy showed no sense of ethics.  Empathy, though, is a prerequisite for personal ethics – the capacity to feel another’s pain and see another’s perspective – to put oneself in another person’s shoes. This capacity is derived not from annual cyberbullying lectures, lesson plans and PSAs, but from the felt experience of acceptance and respect that happens in consistent, reciprocal interactions with caring others.

Clearly, we have to do more.

Just threes miles from where I live, the community of Mattapan, experienced one of the most violent acts of murder in recent history – execution style – of four people, mostly in their 20s: A young mother and her 2-year old son, two young men, with a third hanging on to life at a Boston hospital. News reports suggest the crime was related to drugs (pot).  But honestly, dragging a young woman who was sleeping, and her baby out of a house and shooting them? Why? Why? It's too much to bear in less than the span of one week. And yet one can’t turn away from a sense of communal responsibility to our neighbors and our youth.  At its very core the recent events are a call to action. At a simple level: To pay kind attention to those around us – and yes – to put oneself in another’s shoes. 

Why is that so hard?

Teens, Ethics, and Online Behavior

I suppose it is really heartening to know that people are trying to educate our youth on being responsible digital natives. Let’s throw all we got at them, including the law, and see what works. (The Massachusetts law that bans talking and texting for teens and forbids texting for all drivers takes effect this week, 9/30/10). 

Today, PBS launched a free online game, Webonauts Internet Academy. The site states: "The Webonauts Internet Academy empowers kids to make responsible and respectful decisions in their online interactions." The first lesson is remembering the game motto: Observe, respect, contribute. (A game hint for the grown-ups attempting to play.)  It’s geared to a younger audience. In fact, a tween or teen might not have the patience for it, so other strategies are needed for the cohort that is apt to show the least self-control when online. PBS is taking a responsible step here to get at 'em early. The Girls Scouts of America also has a website, as does MTV (A Thin Line), and there are many other initiatives to encourage young people to think before they text or post, use or abuse social technology.

These efforts come at a time when educators are trying to figure out how to help kids understand the complex issues around privacy and digital citizenship; and tactically, such education is often is thrown into the cyberbully prevention silo -- because most kids can relate to bullying on some visceral level and schools will fund prevention.  The larger issue of responsible online citizenship has yet to take hold.

Recent qualitative research from Harvard, the GoodPlay Project, suggests that tweens’ and teens’ perceptions of social media interactions are largely egocentric (no surprise), with little sense of responsibility for self or others. It is what the research team calls a “prevalence of consequence thinking” among teens -- in other words, only attending to how online activity affects them personally. While the researchers found that some teens engage in moral thinking around online engagement, which includes the concepts of the golden rule and fairness, such interpersonal responsibility was not dominant. Moreover, rare among the teens interviewed, was ethical or higher order thinking, in which one can envision a role in the larger digital community and holding a greater purpose than the self. These observations were derived from interviews with adolescents.  (See Mashable’s video on researcher Carrie James’ talk at the recent Social Good Summit.) 

Without seeing the research report, and before making judgments about youth, it seems that one must take into account adolescent developmental and cognitive abilities, too. Some kids will be able to think abstractly, problem solve, and act ethically, but others aren’t yet able to grasp these concepts. At this age, neural networks are sprawling out in all sorts of directions, and the pruning and fine tuning of certain cognitive abilities that allow for mature thinking just hasn’t happened yet.  Certainly, a 17-year old constructs his world differently than a 12-year old.  

Consider how online interactions are often immediate, social, sensation-seeking activities, pumping the reward system in the teen brain. Consider also that teens often stop thinking rationally when in a crowd, online or offline. Common sense goes out the window in pack mentality. This is not to let them off the hook, just to suggest that it’s more complex than a lack of ethical thinking.

This is a generation of kids who are raised to take social action, too.  They love causes and carwashes; they vote on the best public service or good deeds; and are more apt to purchase material goods and services by companies that embrace a social mission or funnel part of the purchase price toward a donation.  

They just can’t connect all the dots yet.

So I’m back to throwing everything we’ve got to educate youth at all stages of development, repeatedly, and to their maturational and cognitive phases.  It seems to me you have to educate, educate, educate -- across the lifespan. This includes the grown-ups. If we want our youth to grow up as model citizens, we need to model that behavior for them. Some parents I know can’t detach from their blackberries or laptops (not even at their kids sporting events on a Saturday). To wit, my tween recently said to me: "Mom, is your job to write emails all day?" Then there are those “friends” from high school past who share unusual tidbits of information (think FB) -- and to what end? Adults often seem to be the most awkward of learners when it comes to online activity. Maybe it is as simple as reflecting on a simple message or maybe it’s putting some new skills into action.

Observe, respect, contribute.

Are teens too wired or are parents too disconnected?

Series: Tara’s Rants & Raves

Here’s the stuff that freaks out the grown ups: 

Today, kids spend almost 8 hours a day using entertainment media – the equivalent of a full time job (Kaiser Family Foundation).  Moreover, kids are darn good at “media multi-tasking.” They pack in over 10 hours of media content, which means that they are looking at, listening, or playing with a few media devices at the same time for at least a couple hours of a day. Let’s assume most of this happens after school, with scholarly endeavors relegated to a part-time job.

Enter the cell phone stats.  Teens send on average 112 text messages each day or over 3360 messages a month. The majority (84%) of teens with cell phones sleep with their coveted devices under their pillow or near by. How sweet.  Girls, socialized to socialize, tend to be more text agile – with 86% of girls text messaging friends several times a day vs. 64% of boys. 

To make matters worse, a day doesn’t go by without news of the obesity crisis among children, the costs of the medical outcomes to health and society, and so on. It is a big deal.  

Then there is, to boot, the incessant daily exposure to thousands of media messages of sex, violence and unrealistic images of beauty that have dominated our visual landscape for decades via TV, movies, and billboards, presumably incubating a nation of impulsive, distracted youth – prone to either anorexia or obesity – and who are, as a whole, losing educational ground compared to the youth of other nations.

Oh wait. There’s more on the radar of concerned elders. Now the physical distance to media is just a matter of millimeters. We wear our technology. Earphones, headsets, game consoles, joysticks, dance pads and pedometers. There is the neurological implication that kids’ brains are being subtly rewired during a critical phase of brain development, or poisoned with microwaves from the guts of mobile technology. 

Digital kids are out of control!! What are we to do?

[A pause for reflection.] 

With whom do these children live, may I ask?  Is anybody home?

A recent survey by Partnership for a Drug-Free America indicated that over a third of parents are concerned that technology has impeded communication about risk behavior topics like drugs and alcohol use. Technology is now to bame for lack of heart-to-heart chats with our kids.

Who buys these kids their technology?

Here’s the thing. Technology, the Internet, mobile devices are here to stay.  They are a medium – neither good nor bad.  For American teens, computers are primarily learning and entertainment tools; and cell phones – well, cell phones are cultural currency. For most of the world, they are lifelines. No one is getting rid of these gadgets any time soon.

How modes of technology are used, manipulated, and managed can be either good or bad, or both. So let’s stop blaming the kids for being tech junkies. (They are getting tired of you anyway, with 30% of teens leaving Facebook because it’s just not cool anymore to “friend” the extended family). 

Might it be time that the grown ups take stock of the situation – perhaps set some rules and limits so there is room for some old fashioned human connection?

Let me throw out some ideas I’ve heard around the block:

•  Have family mealtime (set a goal, like at least 3 dinners a week)
• Turn off media and cell phones at mealtime and talk. Yep, have a conversation or at least try. Avoid questions that can end in a monosyllable. (Hey Jake, what was the high point of your day? Tell me one thing that surprised you at school today. What’s the coach’s strategy this season? What did you think of that news story of the teen drunk diver?)
• No entertainment media until homework is done.
• No entertainment media during the school week. OMG!
• All cell phones in back packs at night.
• No cell phone use while driving.
• No computer/screens an hour before bedtime (let those brain cells relax).

Yes, let’s take a step back and reflect. It is remarkable that over 90% of American teenagers over age 12 go online and over 80% use computers at school.  It is remarkable that over 90% of teens either own or have access to a household mobile phone.  It is remarkable that smart use of the Internet and social media fostered civic-minded young adults to get out the vote at the last presidential election. It is remarkable that more people donate to, or volunteer for, charities because of technology-based communications. It is remarkable that working or traveling parents can stay in touch with their children and have some peace of mind.  It is amazing that we can use these tools, and other wireless devices, to monitor health, like blood pressure, blood sugar, and physical activity steps. In other words, we can leverage technology for the social good.

The connected parent is a connected parent. Emotionally connected, that is. Even if parental efforts are dissed by impertinent teens, the effort counts for something. (I can speak from experience.) They do listen on many levels. They feel it when you pay attention.

Technology is peripheral to having an authentic and sustaining relationship with our children.

We want to reverse the obesity epidemic? Foster smart, creative, empathic children? Raise the social and emotional intelligence of future generations?

Great. Just what are you going to do about it?

Resource: How Teens Use Media. Nielsen, 2009.

Taming of the Shrew: Urban high schoolers make Shakespeare their own

“Here is a wonder, if you talk of wonder.”

Taming of the Shrew, Act Five, Scene 2

This quote was printed on the cover of the performance brochure of the 5^th annual Summer Theatre Institute – a production by Codman Academy Charter Public School and the Huntington Theatre Company in Boston. 

And it was a wonder, indeed.  Earlier this year I was struck by a teen program in the Berkshires, where a Shakespeare boot camp is offered as a remedial probation option for teens in trouble with the law.  Codman Academy has done something similar, to help its own students stay off the streets in the summers, particularly in the 3-7pm period when kids hang out.  The mastermind behind this is Meg Campbell, the Executive Director of the Codman School, who tirelessly works to create a safe and enriched learning environment for high schoolers living in tough neighborhoods – and who’s academic program graduates 100% of its seniors every year and from which 73% have gone on to college, work or the military.

And you can see why.  Having been in the school briefly one semester to work with students to help us develop bodimojo.com in its conceptual stage, I am happily on the email list for many of the student events.  This time I took four tweens in tow to see their first Shakespeare play.  It was hilarious.  Several of the performers I recognized – they must be juniors or seniors now – and was floored to see their commitment and confidence on a professional stage.  It was difficult at times to understand the actors, with a blend of an old English and urban dialect.  But even so, dressed in full Elizabethan garb, these kids’ comic ability was a marvel and filled in most of the gaps we may have missed.  The 12-year olds in my charge are presently in a theater boot camp at a local community theatre in a neighboring section of Boston, and for them it was all admiration on how these teens could learn such lines and remember their parts  – and it was endearing when the actors forgot a line or when to enter into dialog, or when they tried to stifle their own giggles. But those moments were few as this troupe really put on a good show.

At one moment, my daughter leaned over to me. Mom, are you crying, she asked. (Not an uncommon question in such venues).  I'm just so impressed, I told her, as I flicked a tear.

Hats off to Meg Campbell, the Directors of Education the Huntington Theatre Company, Lynne Johnson (also the play’s director) and Donna Glick – and, of course, to the students. I applaud you.

Eclisped, not.

I’m no TwiMom, that’s for sure.  But how can I be? I haven’t read the books.  Instead, I chaperoned three 12-year olds to Eclipse, and a tag along 14-year old girl (that is, she could not find her cousin at the theatre and then stuck with us… said I was a cool mom.)  I sat away from them, of course, with the farthest distance between my daughter and myself.

But I can’t be a TwiMom by association anyway since my daughter hated the first Twilight book.  I didn’t even know she had read it, since she reads about a book every other day.  It just couldn’t stand up to the Harry Potter series, she had said, and outright dismissed it.  Maybe she was too young for all the romance?

Being a connoisseur of teen culture these days – and the fact that Eclipse topped the box office worldwide in the first five days – I took it upon myself to see the latest movie.  I became curious having just listened to some conservative talk radio show (to my annoyance, my husband keeps it on in his car “to understand how the other side thinks”).  The topic was about fanatical TwiMoms, and random quotes from Twilight mom blogs.  The quotes were actually quite funny – moms writing about how the love/lust tension among the teens improved their marriage, or alternatively caused them to reflect on that state of their union, and so on.  So, I was intrigued from a generational viewpoint.

But I have to say I was disappointed with the movie, other than a mild fascination with the scents of vampires, wolves and humans and Jacob’s in-your-face-abs.  Eclipse did not conjure up fond memoires of my first love or nostalgia for a carefree time when grown up responsibilities were unknown, like it has for many TwiMoms. Oh well. (And I do have nostalgia – if not comic relief and awe of survival, when I reflect on those days.) I expected more skin and sexual innuendos and was frankly relieved it was as tame as it was.

When I caught up with my tween entourage, I asked: “So was it like the book?”

“The book was bad, but this was way worse,” said one.  In the car ride home all clamor was about the next installment, which other than my daughter, the rest had read. They tried to determine what powers the offspring of Bella and Edward would entail.   “Kind like a half-breed, like Hermione, in Harry Potter?” I asked.  My daughter rolled her eyes,  “Mom. They are called Muggles or Mudbloods.” 

Right.

I’ll have to give the books a chance this summer, no doubt. Only one of the fours girls was clearly boy crazy, hence their tepid collective review. In the car, we talked about Bella’s “choice” to become a vampire after marrying Edward.  Did it really seem like a choice, I wondered out loud. Or was she just going for the guy no matter what, as love can be blind type of thing? Was she really just paying into the girl does what the guy really wants to do – even though he makes it seem like a bad idea.  Why would she give up her life to go to other side?  How is that power? Or independence?  I was talking to myself.  “She’s basically choosing to be dead,” said one of the girls. The older (but young) teen filled me in. “Bella never thought she fit in and was different than other kids, so this group of vampires is where she feels comfortable. They have a cause to fight over.”  The classic teen angst.

Two nights later, as a family, we saw Toy Story 3. Talk about existential angst. 

Please pass the tissues.

When should kids have a Facebook account?

When should kids have a Facebook account?  This is truly a contemporary dilemma that gets more confusing as the privacy debate is being wrangled by the Federal Trade Commission, Congress, and the online pundits.  For me, the almost weekly stories and essays on the misuse of FB by teens just drives a knife through my heart.  The Sunday Boston Globe cover story (The Agony of A Girl Who Just Wanted to Fit In ) was about one girl’s story of relentless bullying via FB on the third day of starting high school – one of those apparent grudges by a former friend that took off like wildfire.  The girl, Lexi, is toughing it out according to the article – but a girlfriend, cyberbullied by association, left the school district.

It could happen to my girls. 

One would think that I, as both a parent and a psychologist, might have some sort of advantage on understanding this topic. This is not the case.  It is my opinion that the Internet is simply a communication vehicle. It is neither good nor bad.  It just is. How people use and manipulate this communication is another matter entirely and this is the heart of the privacy matter. It also is a call for public policy, research, and education.

Because I am creating in an online health tool for teens, bodimojo.com, I confront this privacy issue daily. Currently, I am debating whether we should use the FaceBook Connect module for elements of bodimojo.com where teens can post a positive affirmation or health-promoting goal to their wall.  It seems simple enough in theory. I mean, why create a healthy lifestyle program that doesn’t filter up into the networks kids already communicate in. Right?  A no brainer.

But as an online content creator for children (and teens are still considered children) everything needs to be assessed.

On the personal side, however, I am forming an opinion on the FB issue. I have tweens and it will be any day now that my 12 year old asks for an account. Here’s my momentary thinking:

A member of Facebook must be 13 years of age.  This is not an arbitrary rule set by Facebook, but is set by the Federal Trade Commission to protect the use of personal information for commercial purposes.  (It is a privacy rule not a safety protocol.) Any younger age requires following the COPPA rules for children 12 and under where parent permission is required for online membership and a parent email confirmation, etc. There are rumblings about changing it to 18 years of age. (To read about the complex set of issues – and the downside of COPPA when it comes to access to mental health or suicide prevention sites, visit online culture expert danah boyd’s blog).

Ok, that makes one thing easy right now: a clear guideline intended to protect the use of personal information by outsiders. Kiddo, you have to wait until 8^th grade.

Of course, many parents help their kids fudge the age limit and kids inadvertently are taught it’s OK to break that rule.  After all, their kids can now FB their grandparents, Uncle Joe in the military, and friends from summer camp. My opinion:  Children don’t need FB to communicate with loved ones.   Have the family use Skype if computers are more convenient than old-fashioned cards and phone calls – and keep it centralized as a family activity.

I’ve spent a good hour surfing the net and reading parents’ opinions on the FB issue. It’s pretty polarized.  The Academy of Pediatrics put out a guideline on their website in 2009 about parent supervision of Internet use.  About.com has several “how to” pages on privacy settings for FB, including 22 tips (but there is no article date and I have no idea if this includes the recent FB privacy changes).  I think when these help guides broach the length of a workbook on how to ensure your child’s online privacy, one needs to take a step back and evaluate. (I know several grownups – one a social media expert – who closed their Facebook accounts because they’d had it with the constant changes to privacy settings.  (For a timeline of changes, check out the Deeplink’s blog.)

With social networking as a contemporary medium for tween and teens to socialize, when is the right age?  Does it depend on the child, as many parents comment on?  Is refusing to allow a child on a social network just fodder for teen rebellion? What about teens who do not have engaged parents and seek education, information, community or help in the digital space because they can’t get it at home?

My hunch, and being pretty connected to my kids, is that FB is something they can join when starting high school – sort of like a right of passage or coming of age event.  By then, I estimate, the emotional and cognitive maturity will have kicked in for common sense use, respecting self and others in this medium, and they’ll have more than an abstract understanding of what a “digital footprint” is.

Then again, let’s take Lexi’s story.

I could be all wrong.

***

Update:  Facebook Privacy Scanner, click for scan of your and your teen's FB page.

New dance trend at proms: A stab to the heart of promenading

I’m a pretty calm and collected person. I confess, however, that there are a few things that provoke the raging feminist in me. Of course, these triggers are unexpected and typically cause a burst of shock or outrage that really has no constructive outlet and then gets mopped up by the reality of the human condition.

Last week I expressed my annual concerns over teen milestones and celebrations that may involve drinking: proms and graduations.   This week it is the new wave of “dance” that has trickled from urban dance halls to high school proms.  It’s called “daggering.”

Hmmm. What does that word conjure up for you?

Kinda of hard to pair daggering with dance unless you might be an opera fan. My guess is that the word dagger may elicit, let’s say, the notion of violence.  In fact, the trend of daggering stems from Jamaica – where the pelvic-wielding motion of this dance – has been a popular trend. The music has also been banned.  It is basically mock sex with a rough edge.  One might think of rape when watching any of the YouTube postings (a search you will regret). It’s not that sexualized dance hasn’t appeared on dance floors in the past, of course.  Rather, it is that this form of dance seems to have taken on a right of passage, “I’m hot, your not,” group-think mentality among teens.

According to a description in the Boston Globe, Against the Grind, by L. Harmon, “Acrobatic forms of daggering add an element of physical danger, such as diving from a foot ladder onto a woman who is splayed on the ground. Daggering isn’t suggestive.  It’s rough, artless, simulated sex on a dance floor.”

The double edge here is that it is girls who are participating in order to belong.  One girl in the Globe article was quoted: “It requires no skill…. The girl doesn’t do anything but bend over.”  And some girls – thankfully – are protesting.

One urban high school initiated an educational seminar and had students sign a pledge to refrain from sexually explicit dancing as a requirement to attend prom. Gosh, what it must be like to be a teen!  Pledging this and that – no drinking and driving and dance. It makes those virginity pledges – by teenagers who promise to be sexually abstinent and later deny that they took the pledge – seem rather quaint and charming.

Of course, the real concern is safety and how daggering is translated off the dance floor.  Daggering clearly represents male sexual domination over women.

I’m really not a prude.  I love dance. Cultures all over the world use dance as a form of self-expression and covey the traditions and values of many peoples. And the variety! Think Irish step dancing to royal promenades to African rites of passage and American Indian rain dances.   Dances tell a story.

Dance researchers suggest that humans are vocal learners – that our brains are uniquely wired to tap into a beat which results in movement and motion. It’s ancient and primal.

Dance also is used to express courtship and mating rituals. Some early cultures had rather crude fertility rituals, including sacrificing a budding adolescents to the fertility gods.

Apparently, dancing fosters the selection of partners who will extend the gene pool – the strong, efficient, and productive. Research shows that people are attracted to bodies that are symmetrical.  Both sexes are captivated by those with balanced physiques.  (The two-left footers are in some peril.) This is in line with research on beauty and attractiveness, too.  Mating is about survival of the fittest.

But daggering has resulted in certain consequences: penile fractures, for one. Can you (guys) imagine that?  Surely, that will kill this dance trend sooner or later. Can’t disrupt the flow of future danclings, can we? But why let it go that far.

Girls, stand your ground.

 

Resource:

SF Dingfelder. (April 2010) Dance dance evolution. APA Monitor (Vol. 41, No.4) 

Trouble Teens take on Shakespeare

Every once in while there is a program or project that comes across my radar that makes me brim with hope and delight. This week it is a story in the Boston Globe with the intriguing title, Caught in the act: Juveniles sentenced to Shakespeare by Louise Kennedy. Yes, ’tis true.  Teens who have been arrested and subjected to probation are required to act roles in Shakespeare. This innovative program has been around for 10 years, and of course, it is situated in the Massachusetts Berkshires, home to Tanglewood and Jacob’s Pillow. Such programs are novel but not new.  This American Life showcased a story of convicted criminals with life sentences performing Hamlet. Over 6-months a group of high security inmates were transformed. Listen to this story – it is one of humility and humanity. (It’s worth the 99¢ download.) 

The story of the troubled teens describes just how resistant these youth are. Some have very low literacy and most have bad attitudes. Rehearsals are four hours on a Friday afternoon. Yet, over time, the majority of the kids come around.  Having to learn a bit part in Shakespeare for high school English often feels like punishment for the average teen, let alone tough teens. How can one utter phrases of old English that seem to go on forever?  I recall having to recite Brutus for Mrs. Rhodes English class.  Somehow the lines coming from a scrawny teen like myself seemed out of place – I remember not having the physicality to channel his lament. But I blustered through it. 

These days, when the word “like” seems to launch many kids’ utterances the thought of Shakespeare is quite refreshing.  The common chatter among some young teens I get to hang with falls along these lines: “Like, you know, she’s such a mean teacher. Like, why give us extra homework because she’s obviously having a bad day. It’s not fair.”  What about, “Oh, woe is she that dares drag her apprentices through the dredge of language arts.”

While the Berkshire program doesn’t fix all the problems in these teens’ lives, the program manager quoted in the article remarked “…the beauty of the program, too, is that learning the words, and learning the meaning of the words, is something that they’ll have forever. Nothing can take it away from them, which unfortunately is not always the case in life.’’

The following day there was an editorial on the sorry state of American students' written proficiency.  Kara Miller, whose teaches English to Babson College students, laments: “Why do so many students come to college without a command of the fundamentals?” (At Babson, no less.) She cites a statistic that is alarming: The National Assessment of Educational Progress found just 24% of high school seniors are proficient or better in English. What? That means 75% of the rest do not meet basic standards! 

Maybe, it’s time we are all – youth and adults alike – sentenced to Shakespeare.