Teens in Balance - Tara Cousineau, PhD

Mindful Monday: Gratitude to Jack LaLanne from a 60's child

Mindful Monday #8: An Ode to Jack LaLanne

I have a very clear image of my mother doing a headstand on the front porch of our small ranch house in Connecticut in the late 1960s when I was about three years old.  Thanks to Jack LaLanne.  It is with nostalgia that read about his passing at a hardy age of 96.  I’m convinced this early imprinting of my inverted mother led me to find my path to yoga.

I can’t really think of anyone in recent history that may have influenced American fitness culture more on the importance of physical activity – before it even became fashionable in the 80s or the prescription for obesity prevention today. When I think about it, by the time my mom was listening to Jack on a black and white TV he was already 50 years old.  

The idea of exercising for good health, however, was part of my mother's German heritage, where walking or hiking was simply something families did together – for fresh air, to walk off lunch, and to enjoy the views of the forest or fields.  Stuck raising two toddlers in the suburbs of Connecticut, I’m sure Jack LaLanne provided her with a daily dose of self-care and peace of mind.

With that said, I did not grow up playing sports or become an athlete.  Born pigeon toed and prescribed shoe braces, my mother put me in ballet classes as her own idea of physical therapy.  Mastering first position in ballet slippers may have helped my gait but it certainly provided me with a form of graceful exercise. The passing of Title IX occurred when I was a child and was not implemented until my teenage years; and frankly sports did not take over afterschool activities and weekends as it does today for my daughters.  Back then I gave cheerleading and track & field a shot – mostly because I liked being part of a team and singing along on the bus to high school athletic events. 

But later I circled back to those early poses I watched my mother do. She had no home gym equipment, special butt shaping sneakers or iPods, 50 fitness channels or Jane Fonda DVDs. Just a hokey guy with his dog, Happy, on a snowy screen. 

When I discovered yoga in my early 20s, these memories of my mother would resurface with gratitude. When I studied mind-body medicine later with Jon Kabat-Zinn, I remembered him saying to our group that being in an inverted posture (or upside-down) is great for the mind – it offers a different perspective of the world. Jack LaLanne surely knew this already.

Now the question is: What will my teen girls remember about my relationship to exercise since I opt to escape from home life and go to structured classes? I think I’ll pull out my yoga mat suggest some shoulder stands when things get wiggy in our household. It will, at the least, be the start of a conversation on being in “balance.” They can’t fain embarrassment in our own home with no one looking.

Thank you, Jack LaLanne for entering my childhood living room.

Namaste.

 

Empathy among teens: Lost or found?

Empathy. It seems that that the experience of this basic human emotion is on the decline among young people. In my recent lament about the deaths among a number of youths I  wondered what happened to basic empathy and regard for our kin.  Luckily, it seems to be a shared concern.  To wit, an article in today’s paper edition of Boston Globe, "Empathy is so yesterday" tackles the social science on the subject (Keith O’Brien, Oct 17, 2010). Today’s youth, he asserts, may be more aware of one another’s whereabouts, but  less likely to show genuine concern for others. This might be in part a consequence of incessant news bites, tragedy upon tragedy, and hurricane after tsunami after terror attacks. After all, we have to protect ourselves from the assault of such relentless, troubling communications. (I stopped watching TV news after having children, simply to avoid a night of fretful sleep and anxiety over “what ifs.”)

But what of this lack of empathy? Is empathy a worn out past-time dismissed by a generation of hyperspeaking tech freaks and self-involved capitalists? One might think so after seeing The Social Network. (Just sayin’.) There are the obvious societal culprits including the advent of the World Wide Web and the rapid dependence on technology, gadgets and instant messaging in one decade – for better and for worse. It's worth reflecting on the potential fall out for real human connection.  O’Brien does a little digging into the definition of empathy. (In fact, it's a relatively new 19^th century term derived from the German word, Einfuehling – irony notwithstanding). He also summarizes some fascinating research. The studies are relatively few (apparently only 72 to date) and the results are largely culled from written role play scenarios and self-reports with college students.  But here’s the upshot:  Since about 2000, there has been a “sudden” drop in two areas of empathy: Perspective taking (cognitive empathy) and empathic concern (emotional empathy). In fact, the drop in empathy concern, the physiological or felt experience of another's situation, has declined by 48% between 1979 and 2009, according to the Globe article.

This does not bode well for our young people. O’Brien points out, via interviews with researchers, that it is not the emotional capacity that may be lacking – after all, babies are born with an innate sense of empathy and feeling another’s distress cry – but that the context of modern life has shifted dramatically. He mentions the high divorce rate and media consumption as two possible influencers, as well as recessions, climate change, and other global situations that leave many feeling powerless. But we needn't feel this way.

I spent part of one evening this weekend at a small candle light march in Mattapan, at Morningstar Baptist Church, to pay respect to four people slain just a few weeks ago. I attended this intimate gathering with a group of teens from my town at a local parish, just one mile away. There is an invisible line between our two communities – and there exists, quite frankly, an apartheid. And it is to the credit of the two youth groups – and the ministers – that this vigil took place.

In the cold drizzle of an October evening, neighbors, black and white, walked together in song. In the shadows of worn three-decker buildings, past barking dogs behind chain-linked fences, and among the sputtering candle flames, these young people could imagine – for a moment at least – the last agonizing footsteps of the victims.  I think it changed them in some small way, if not great. How could it not? Huddled we were in collective grief at a sidewalk shrine. In person. Together. Strangers. Leaning into each other, lighting and relighting each other's candles, singing, whispering, praying and feeling. It was but a short moment in the scheme of our lives, but bodily felt.  And it is in such communal moments that truly, deep in my heart, I believe we shall overcome… someday.

 

Mindful Monday #8

Mindful Monday #7: Step out of your own way

Sometimes you just have to step out of your own way.

(c) Tara Cousineau, 2010 

Mindful Mondays

Mindful Monday #5: Be Open

Be open.

 

Mindful Mondays

Mindful Monday #4: Keep pace with the soul the earth

Stop for a moment. Are you keeping pace with the soul the earth?

T. Cousineau, Martha's Vinyard, MA 

 Mindful Monday

Mindful Monday #3: Work with Love

Work with love.

Labor Day, September 6, 2010

Mindful Mondays

Mindful Monday #2: First, believe in yourself. Then others will believe in you, too.

First, believe in yourself. Then others will believe in you, too.

  Fireworks, Upstate NY.

Mindful Monday Series

Mindful Monday #1: “Now go away…. I want to get down from the wall.”

More heart attacks happen on Mondays than on any other day of the week.  What does that tell you about life?  Mondays probably have been fraught with anxiety from early on in life… getting up early for school, missed busses, forgotten homework, facing bullies, worries about how you’ll fit in, wearing the “right” clothes… will the kids like me?

Same for grown ups in the workplace: catching the train, getting stuck in traffic; the impossible boss or inept co-worker; that presentation you have to give or a sales quota to meet; finding a job, paying the bills; or parents contending with the never-ending to-do list where for each checked-off item three more appear.

So I’m taking a stand on Mondays and writing down one mindful thought, gratitude, image or reflection to empower me for the day - and maybe it will empower you, too. Nothing scientific here.  If I sit quietly I'm sure something will come to me. Or, I may grab a random affirmation card as an inspirational crutch.  (I collect cards of all sorts and then give them away… so I’ll see what’s left.) Or maybe it will be some insight from our family dog, Leo. So here it goes.

Mindful Monday #1

“Now go away…. I want to get down from the wall.”

The Little Prince says this to the viperous snake at the bottom of a wall in the middle of a desert, before leaving earth and existing among the stars.  It’s my metaphor to stand up to your fears.

Photo: My 1946 copy of The Little Prince by Antoine De Saint-Exupéry

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