Teens in Balance - Tara Cousineau, PhD

Go Figure: Teens Do Care About Their Health

Series: Tara’s Rants & Raves

Why is it that grown ups seem to think that teenagers don’t care about their health? Or that if you claim to help adolescents navigate the rollercoaster ride of the teen years that you’ll be outright dismissed? (Good luck to you! they exclaim.)

I get this response on a regular basis when I talk about BodiMojo for teens, an online health engagement platform to support adolescents during this weird transition to adulthood. “Teens don’t care about their health” is the most frequent declarative response.

Why does the notion of teens + health = non-starter? 

Is it because we remember our own turbulent years and recall that we wanted nothing to do with people telling us what we should do?

It’s a visceral memory. People wince or laugh or self-deprecate as they recall their own teen years. We are afraid of teens as we remember our own pasts!

Why is it, then, when we become those grown-ups, that's exactly what we do? We tell teens what they should be or not be doing. No drugs, no beer, no sex, no texting at the dinner table, don’t you dare miss your curfew, you must get As (or else you have no life). BUT…help with the dishes, mow the lawn, take out the trash, eat your broccoli, oh and, watch your sister while I run to the store.

I’ve become a defender of teenagers in the landscape of health.  Not only are they underserved in health care – after all they do not pay insurance premiums or have employee benefits – but teens are elusive, too.  They don’t pay much attention to health prevention messages. 

Why?  Because teens “know” what they need to know. Ya, know what I mean?  Teens have been soaking up prevention messages from school health classes, coaches, parents, peer educators, billboards, PSAs and so on (see one video teens created).  A good thing, too. We need to keep this education in their faces, because individuals absorb information at different rates and in different ways depending on a host of things:  cognitive maturity, ability to problem solve and plan ahead, propensity for risk taking or impulsivity, motivation, health beliefs and attitudes, pubertal status, social support, relationships and peer pressure, self-esteem and so on. 

It’s a lucky teen that might get the right message at the right time, though. Health topics, like many things in life, have become so compartmentalized, one wonders how any of the information might come together in a holistic way for a teen. Think about what a typical teen might get:  A few hours of puberty ed in 5^th grade, a reproductive biology module in 9^th grade, an assembly on bullying once a year, and alcohol prevention during prom season. At least that’s how it seems to work in my community.

How about personalizing health information for teens?

How about making it relevant to them when they need it?

Teens have a lot going on while their brains and bodies are undergoing massive shifts. So they forget things.  What was taught to 11 year olds during puberty education class (largely experienced as either disgust or hilarity) should be reconfigured each year thereafter through age 18 because reproductive health becomes increasingly more relevant over time (but that’s another rant). Teens “get” the messages about eating fruits and veggies and exercising, just like they get the messages not to do drugs or drive without a seat belt or to use a condom to avoid pregnancy or STDs. That doesn’t mean they actually act intelligently on their knowledge – especially when friends are around. Groupthink overrides the common sense switch in the brain.  Hormones override executive function. Social validation trumps IQ.

So let’s meet teens where they are at. They are more engaging than you think. They like to learn about themselves, test their knowledge, assess their personality, track their mood, and then share with their friends whatever they’ve learned that surprises or inspires them. They are inherently competitive and like to show off. Teens are dealing with highly personal issues and behaviors that are emotionally triggering. They may not want to talk about "health" in a classroom or with grown ups. But maybe they do.  Choices matter.

Bottom line: People learn new things and change behaviors when it means something to them AND when they have the ability or skills to act on it.  Not all teens mature at same rate so why do we think teaching them things at a certain time in a spotty curriculum will actually stick? 

Recently, I was part of a community service project with ten urban high school girls ranging in age from 14 to 17.  The topic they wanted to address was body image and the task was to bring back to the school community a positive message or outcome of the project.  As part of this exercise the girls used the BodiMojo site and took the body image quizzes as a discussion and icebreaker activity.  One girl, clearly overweight, read her personalized feedback about her body image attitude. She was delighted with it and cut and pasted the feedback to her Facebook page. This revealed several things. One, the message was relevant and positive to her.  Two, she wanted to show it off to her friends. Three, she choose to share a “confidential” experience because it could inspire others, too. (I know this because I asked her why she did this.) What is “social” trumps privacy, in this case, for the good.  Her sharing was a choice.  For others in the group, they did not jump to broadcast on Facebook. Yet, according to their school teacher, the girls learned a great deal and bonded over the experience.

As a team we also discovered that the BodiMojo platform was effective for teen girls for improving body esteem. Teens care about issues that are emotionally charged and immediate.  If we grown-ups can better attend to what is developmentally relevant, we might begin to affect change in other health areas, too. 

You still don’t think teens care about their health? Then you might just be asking the wrong questions!

 

Like Us on Facebook and tell the teens in your life:  www.facebook.com/bodimojo

Helping Young Teens Have Healthy Relationships

Today is Denim Day. 

No, it’s not Casual Friday. It’s a Wednesday, April 26, 2011. It's time to throw on a pair of jeans.

Well, ok. Everyday can be a jeans day for some of us, especially us techy shrinks.  But Denim Day marks a moment in the calendar year to raise awareness and to educate youth on sexual violence and teen dating abuse. The name comes from a legal case in Italy where a judge overturned a rape conviction because the female victim wore tight jeans to the court hearing.

I am not wearing jeans today. Instead, I dressed up for a luncheon hosted by MomCentral and sponsored by the Start Strong initiative, a national program of the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation (RWJF) in collaboration with the Family Violence Prevention Fund (FVPF).  What’s significant about this program is that it is the largest funded national initiative aimed at preventing relationship violence and abuse among young people.  Its mission is to promote healthy relationship behaviors – among 11 to 14 year olds.

Teen dating violence is a major problem – and one that can extend into later relationships and have significant consequences for safety and quality of life. Maybe the most startling fact, even for those of us in the mental health profession, are the statistics that as many as 1 in 5 teenage girls and 1 in 10 teen boys have been physically or sexually abused by a partner (Journal of Pediatrics, 2007). A more recent study on 6^th graders reveals that half of the youngsters surveyed reported having been in a “dating” relationship and 42% report being victims of “dating” violence (Journal of Early Adolescence, 2009)

Whether you believe the stats or not it doesn’t take much to see that the sexualization of youth and violence in the media is everywhere, providing very poor role models indeed. Compound that with the astonishing rate of cell phone use and texting by tweens and teens today and dating harassment has found a new route.

Start Strong intends to foster a grass roots movement involving all stakeholders: teens, parents, caregivers, educators, healthcare professionals, domestic violence advocates, and community leaders. The goal is to build environments that support healthy relationships and prevent violence and abuse.  The gathering today evoked a lively discussion on how to begin a dialog with our children about these tough issues, and importantly, how do we model “healthy“ relationships that our kids keenly observe – in our own homes and with our partners, friends, and co-workers. Are we being mindful of our own relationships? 

Next week my 11-year-old daughter will see the movie. She informed me of this recently. I thought out loud: Is the last Harry Potter movie out already? No, Mom,  “The Movie!” she motioned with quotation fingers. 

Right.  THE MOVIE. The 5h grade puberty education session is coming up.  I previewed it two years ago when my older daughter endured it (one of my rants). It’s a disappointment: Abstract images of fallopian tubes, a sample of a tampon, and a really corny short film on female anatomy and sweat glands. I suppose, if anything, the disembodied nature of the presentation and the confusion it evokes might spur some parents to provide more clarity on reproductive health and personal hygiene. Some schools are now offering mother-daughter, father-son education sessions.

Now imagine if this 5^th grade education went beyond the one hour of puberty education and instead was extended over the course of the semester - and all of middle school years - to embrace what it means to go through puberty, what healthy relationships look like, and how to comfortably navigate the social jungle of adolescence? 

Start Strong is pioneering its program in 11 US cities.  We can only hope the success is immediate, so that all tweens, families and communities can benefit.

As for me, it’s time to put on some denim and tell my girls why. 

 

Resources:

• StartStrongTeens.org 
• National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: 866-331-9474
866-331-8453 TTY
• BodiMojo: Helping Teens Make Healthy Decisions
• A Thin Line
• Love is Respect
• Act. MTV: Dating Violence Prevention Center

Initiation of a teen parent: harsh and swift

The initiation into teen parenthood was swift and harsh. Within mere moments of her turning 13 years old I became an embarrassment to my daughter.

Yes, an embarrassment.

Not longer the cool yoga mom with style, I am now shunned with glares that shout: “Don’t say anything to me.” 

The request to help in the kitchen or the do me a favor and grab my keys, for instance, are fielded with stomps and sighs and sheer dismissal.

Some older teen girls I know recently told me it passes, assured me that the Abercrombie uniform gets relegated to a middle school fad, and that the wigginess dissipates over time somewhat. Parents I know, and some fellow psychologists, claim that getting past the 16-year mark helps. (I’ve read many of the parenting books on the subject.) Maybe it is the new found responsibility of a driver’s license and more serious thoughts about college filtering in or that boyfriend that hangs around to get your good graces that begs better, kinder behavior.

You mean 3 or more years of this?

Recently, shopping for a baseball cap for her cousin at Lids in the local mall, I began chatting with the women in line trying to figure out whether to risk buying a cap her nephew might not like or getting a gift card instead. I chimed in casually – it was a wait after all. Next thing I know my daughter is flush red, does this full body duck-and-cover move as if we are being shelled, and shrewdly whispers, “Mom you are so weird, why are you talking to a stranger?”

Ok. Shoot me for being friendly.

Forget that I noticed what jeans she liked at the shop next door that appeared under the Christmas tree. I mean, right? (As she would say.)

Of course, this is classic behavior, and rather benign for the first  few days of official teendom, but what was a bit unnerving was my physiological reaction. The swish of bonding hormone oxytocin that circulates in your blood stream after having babies and keeps mothers in 24-7 nurture mode (and lasts until the wee ones leave home) – well, it was like an immediate drug withdrawal. I felt depleted, deprived, bruised, yet yearning for a glimmer of connection.

A flash flood. Lost in a parenthood puddle of loss.

I took yoga class the next day. I decided I can only go with the flow and try to institute a modicum of respect and rules at home to bid my time. Of course, if she tried yoga, too, see might understand why the bumper sticker I have on my dilapidated minivan reads: Namaste.

 

It’s official: I’m a mother of a teenager

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As of this month I am officially the mother of a teenage daughter. Thirteen. Hard to believe. And she’s milking the teen thing now.  Just like that, she’s got a sense of confidence and attitude, like she’s allowed to elbow with the rest of us.

The weirdest thing that is happening for me, though, is that I am finding myself dabbing on the mascara when I go out. (Aside from my lipstick, Clinique #83, Double Truffle, I stopped bothering with make-up long ago, opting for the au natural look). It started a week before her 13th birthday when she went to her first dance. The only make-up a few of us moms allowed the girls to wear was mascara and lip-gloss.  Yah, we’re so tough aren’t we? But then again why not join in on the experimentation. After all, the most these girls have been doing to make personal statements is wearing color pre-wrap on their hair at soccer. No tutus and stage make-up in this crew.

Of course, when I see the girls with smudged eye circles I remember why I stopped wearing the black ink. Why exaggerate the sleep deprived look? 

I know that my brief indulgence is but a fancy to soak up the youthful glee and excitement of these sweet girls in catching the attention of ...boys. It might also be why there is a spike in make-up sales among the tweens - mothers are definitely enabling the pubertal flights of fancy.

I took the girls out for a birthday dinner (three of six friends turned 13 over one weekend), followed by a sleepover. The winning choice this year was hardly mine: The Cheesecake Factory. The wait, even at a reasonable hour of 6pm, was 90 minutes.

 

“Mom, can you hold our place while we checkout some stores? We’re not buying anything. Text me when we’re about to be seated!”

What?!

And so it goes with the modern teenager. All that anti-consumerism, media literacy and car-ride chats on sensible choices waft quickly over the adolescent abyss, black streaks and all.

 

Empathy among teens: Lost or found?

Empathy. It seems that that the experience of this basic human emotion is on the decline among young people. In my recent lament about the deaths among a number of youths I  wondered what happened to basic empathy and regard for our kin.  Luckily, it seems to be a shared concern.  To wit, an article in today’s paper edition of Boston Globe, "Empathy is so yesterday" tackles the social science on the subject (Keith O’Brien, Oct 17, 2010). Today’s youth, he asserts, may be more aware of one another’s whereabouts, but  less likely to show genuine concern for others. This might be in part a consequence of incessant news bites, tragedy upon tragedy, and hurricane after tsunami after terror attacks. After all, we have to protect ourselves from the assault of such relentless, troubling communications. (I stopped watching TV news after having children, simply to avoid a night of fretful sleep and anxiety over “what ifs.”)

But what of this lack of empathy? Is empathy a worn out past-time dismissed by a generation of hyperspeaking tech freaks and self-involved capitalists? One might think so after seeing The Social Network. (Just sayin’.) There are the obvious societal culprits including the advent of the World Wide Web and the rapid dependence on technology, gadgets and instant messaging in one decade – for better and for worse. It's worth reflecting on the potential fall out for real human connection.  O’Brien does a little digging into the definition of empathy. (In fact, it's a relatively new 19^th century term derived from the German word, Einfuehling – irony notwithstanding). He also summarizes some fascinating research. The studies are relatively few (apparently only 72 to date) and the results are largely culled from written role play scenarios and self-reports with college students.  But here’s the upshot:  Since about 2000, there has been a “sudden” drop in two areas of empathy: Perspective taking (cognitive empathy) and empathic concern (emotional empathy). In fact, the drop in empathy concern, the physiological or felt experience of another's situation, has declined by 48% between 1979 and 2009, according to the Globe article.

This does not bode well for our young people. O’Brien points out, via interviews with researchers, that it is not the emotional capacity that may be lacking – after all, babies are born with an innate sense of empathy and feeling another’s distress cry – but that the context of modern life has shifted dramatically. He mentions the high divorce rate and media consumption as two possible influencers, as well as recessions, climate change, and other global situations that leave many feeling powerless. But we needn't feel this way.

I spent part of one evening this weekend at a small candle light march in Mattapan, at Morningstar Baptist Church, to pay respect to four people slain just a few weeks ago. I attended this intimate gathering with a group of teens from my town at a local parish, just one mile away. There is an invisible line between our two communities – and there exists, quite frankly, an apartheid. And it is to the credit of the two youth groups – and the ministers – that this vigil took place.

In the cold drizzle of an October evening, neighbors, black and white, walked together in song. In the shadows of worn three-decker buildings, past barking dogs behind chain-linked fences, and among the sputtering candle flames, these young people could imagine – for a moment at least – the last agonizing footsteps of the victims.  I think it changed them in some small way, if not great. How could it not? Huddled we were in collective grief at a sidewalk shrine. In person. Together. Strangers. Leaning into each other, lighting and relighting each other's candles, singing, whispering, praying and feeling. It was but a short moment in the scheme of our lives, but bodily felt.  And it is in such communal moments that truly, deep in my heart, I believe we shall overcome… someday.

 

Mindful Monday #8

A week of mourning for our youth

Series: Tara’s Rants & Raves

Is anyone else’s heart breaking over the recent news of our young people? Last week’s news of the suicide of Rutgers University student, Tyler Clementi, 18 – and other recent suicides of youngsters just 13 years old – challenge our notions of tolerance, right to privacy, and human dignity.  One can only imagine the anguish of Tyler’s parents, and what I imagine would be the horrified and confused reaction of the perpetrators’ families. ("My child would never do this!") It’s difficult to accept that in an age of multicultural acceptance and openness to diversity – in particular among universities – that such “pranks” occur. But of course they do. The issue of wanting power over others will always exist, no matter what tools or means are handy… a webcam, the Internet, a threat, a gun, physical strength, emotional bribery, a crowd. 

On the anniversary of the original production of The Lamarie Project, the play that depicts the murder of Matt Shepard because he was gay, we are reminded again of the plight that so many of our gay and lesbian youth confront all too often. (The Laramie Project: 10 Years Later was recently performed at Emerson College, Boston.) In the twittersphere and YouTube, the message that has taken off in the wake of Tyler's suicide is a message of hope for GLBT teens:  it gets better. But where is the support now? Where is the support when these teens ask for help?  

Last week I commented on youth and online ethics, calling for a need to educate at all stages of youth development so that the lessons of common decency, regard for others, rules of online/offline etiquette and privacy can be mindfully and meaningfully absorbed. Adolescence entails a process of cognitive and emotional fits and starts and a progressive fine-tuning of thought processes, reasoning, problem-solving, and interpersonal skills that occur well into the early 20s – it’s important to repeat lessons so they can sink in.  The students who egregiously invaded Tyler’s privacy showed no sense of ethics.  Empathy, though, is a prerequisite for personal ethics – the capacity to feel another’s pain and see another’s perspective – to put oneself in another person’s shoes. This capacity is derived not from annual cyberbullying lectures, lesson plans and PSAs, but from the felt experience of acceptance and respect that happens in consistent, reciprocal interactions with caring others.

Clearly, we have to do more.

Just threes miles from where I live, the community of Mattapan, experienced one of the most violent acts of murder in recent history – execution style – of four people, mostly in their 20s: A young mother and her 2-year old son, two young men, with a third hanging on to life at a Boston hospital. News reports suggest the crime was related to drugs (pot).  But honestly, dragging a young woman who was sleeping, and her baby out of a house and shooting them? Why? Why? It's too much to bear in less than the span of one week. And yet one can’t turn away from a sense of communal responsibility to our neighbors and our youth.  At its very core the recent events are a call to action. At a simple level: To pay kind attention to those around us – and yes – to put oneself in another’s shoes. 

Why is that so hard?

Teens, Ethics, and Online Behavior

I suppose it is really heartening to know that people are trying to educate our youth on being responsible digital natives. Let’s throw all we got at them, including the law, and see what works. (The Massachusetts law that bans talking and texting for teens and forbids texting for all drivers takes effect this week, 9/30/10). 

Today, PBS launched a free online game, Webonauts Internet Academy. The site states: "The Webonauts Internet Academy empowers kids to make responsible and respectful decisions in their online interactions." The first lesson is remembering the game motto: Observe, respect, contribute. (A game hint for the grown-ups attempting to play.)  It’s geared to a younger audience. In fact, a tween or teen might not have the patience for it, so other strategies are needed for the cohort that is apt to show the least self-control when online. PBS is taking a responsible step here to get at 'em early. The Girls Scouts of America also has a website, as does MTV (A Thin Line), and there are many other initiatives to encourage young people to think before they text or post, use or abuse social technology.

These efforts come at a time when educators are trying to figure out how to help kids understand the complex issues around privacy and digital citizenship; and tactically, such education is often is thrown into the cyberbully prevention silo -- because most kids can relate to bullying on some visceral level and schools will fund prevention.  The larger issue of responsible online citizenship has yet to take hold.

Recent qualitative research from Harvard, the GoodPlay Project, suggests that tweens’ and teens’ perceptions of social media interactions are largely egocentric (no surprise), with little sense of responsibility for self or others. It is what the research team calls a “prevalence of consequence thinking” among teens -- in other words, only attending to how online activity affects them personally. While the researchers found that some teens engage in moral thinking around online engagement, which includes the concepts of the golden rule and fairness, such interpersonal responsibility was not dominant. Moreover, rare among the teens interviewed, was ethical or higher order thinking, in which one can envision a role in the larger digital community and holding a greater purpose than the self. These observations were derived from interviews with adolescents.  (See Mashable’s video on researcher Carrie James’ talk at the recent Social Good Summit.) 

Without seeing the research report, and before making judgments about youth, it seems that one must take into account adolescent developmental and cognitive abilities, too. Some kids will be able to think abstractly, problem solve, and act ethically, but others aren’t yet able to grasp these concepts. At this age, neural networks are sprawling out in all sorts of directions, and the pruning and fine tuning of certain cognitive abilities that allow for mature thinking just hasn’t happened yet.  Certainly, a 17-year old constructs his world differently than a 12-year old.  

Consider how online interactions are often immediate, social, sensation-seeking activities, pumping the reward system in the teen brain. Consider also that teens often stop thinking rationally when in a crowd, online or offline. Common sense goes out the window in pack mentality. This is not to let them off the hook, just to suggest that it’s more complex than a lack of ethical thinking.

This is a generation of kids who are raised to take social action, too.  They love causes and carwashes; they vote on the best public service or good deeds; and are more apt to purchase material goods and services by companies that embrace a social mission or funnel part of the purchase price toward a donation.  

They just can’t connect all the dots yet.

So I’m back to throwing everything we’ve got to educate youth at all stages of development, repeatedly, and to their maturational and cognitive phases.  It seems to me you have to educate, educate, educate -- across the lifespan. This includes the grown-ups. If we want our youth to grow up as model citizens, we need to model that behavior for them. Some parents I know can’t detach from their blackberries or laptops (not even at their kids sporting events on a Saturday). To wit, my tween recently said to me: "Mom, is your job to write emails all day?" Then there are those “friends” from high school past who share unusual tidbits of information (think FB) -- and to what end? Adults often seem to be the most awkward of learners when it comes to online activity. Maybe it is as simple as reflecting on a simple message or maybe it’s putting some new skills into action.

Observe, respect, contribute.

Are teens too wired or are parents too disconnected?

Series: Tara’s Rants & Raves

Here’s the stuff that freaks out the grown ups: 

Today, kids spend almost 8 hours a day using entertainment media – the equivalent of a full time job (Kaiser Family Foundation).  Moreover, kids are darn good at “media multi-tasking.” They pack in over 10 hours of media content, which means that they are looking at, listening, or playing with a few media devices at the same time for at least a couple hours of a day. Let’s assume most of this happens after school, with scholarly endeavors relegated to a part-time job.

Enter the cell phone stats.  Teens send on average 112 text messages each day or over 3360 messages a month. The majority (84%) of teens with cell phones sleep with their coveted devices under their pillow or near by. How sweet.  Girls, socialized to socialize, tend to be more text agile – with 86% of girls text messaging friends several times a day vs. 64% of boys. 

To make matters worse, a day doesn’t go by without news of the obesity crisis among children, the costs of the medical outcomes to health and society, and so on. It is a big deal.  

Then there is, to boot, the incessant daily exposure to thousands of media messages of sex, violence and unrealistic images of beauty that have dominated our visual landscape for decades via TV, movies, and billboards, presumably incubating a nation of impulsive, distracted youth – prone to either anorexia or obesity – and who are, as a whole, losing educational ground compared to the youth of other nations.

Oh wait. There’s more on the radar of concerned elders. Now the physical distance to media is just a matter of millimeters. We wear our technology. Earphones, headsets, game consoles, joysticks, dance pads and pedometers. There is the neurological implication that kids’ brains are being subtly rewired during a critical phase of brain development, or poisoned with microwaves from the guts of mobile technology. 

Digital kids are out of control!! What are we to do?

[A pause for reflection.] 

With whom do these children live, may I ask?  Is anybody home?

A recent survey by Partnership for a Drug-Free America indicated that over a third of parents are concerned that technology has impeded communication about risk behavior topics like drugs and alcohol use. Technology is now to bame for lack of heart-to-heart chats with our kids.

Who buys these kids their technology?

Here’s the thing. Technology, the Internet, mobile devices are here to stay.  They are a medium – neither good nor bad.  For American teens, computers are primarily learning and entertainment tools; and cell phones – well, cell phones are cultural currency. For most of the world, they are lifelines. No one is getting rid of these gadgets any time soon.

How modes of technology are used, manipulated, and managed can be either good or bad, or both. So let’s stop blaming the kids for being tech junkies. (They are getting tired of you anyway, with 30% of teens leaving Facebook because it’s just not cool anymore to “friend” the extended family). 

Might it be time that the grown ups take stock of the situation – perhaps set some rules and limits so there is room for some old fashioned human connection?

Let me throw out some ideas I’ve heard around the block:

•  Have family mealtime (set a goal, like at least 3 dinners a week)
• Turn off media and cell phones at mealtime and talk. Yep, have a conversation or at least try. Avoid questions that can end in a monosyllable. (Hey Jake, what was the high point of your day? Tell me one thing that surprised you at school today. What’s the coach’s strategy this season? What did you think of that news story of the teen drunk diver?)
• No entertainment media until homework is done.
• No entertainment media during the school week. OMG!
• All cell phones in back packs at night.
• No cell phone use while driving.
• No computer/screens an hour before bedtime (let those brain cells relax).

Yes, let’s take a step back and reflect. It is remarkable that over 90% of American teenagers over age 12 go online and over 80% use computers at school.  It is remarkable that over 90% of teens either own or have access to a household mobile phone.  It is remarkable that smart use of the Internet and social media fostered civic-minded young adults to get out the vote at the last presidential election. It is remarkable that more people donate to, or volunteer for, charities because of technology-based communications. It is remarkable that working or traveling parents can stay in touch with their children and have some peace of mind.  It is amazing that we can use these tools, and other wireless devices, to monitor health, like blood pressure, blood sugar, and physical activity steps. In other words, we can leverage technology for the social good.

The connected parent is a connected parent. Emotionally connected, that is. Even if parental efforts are dissed by impertinent teens, the effort counts for something. (I can speak from experience.) They do listen on many levels. They feel it when you pay attention.

Technology is peripheral to having an authentic and sustaining relationship with our children.

We want to reverse the obesity epidemic? Foster smart, creative, empathic children? Raise the social and emotional intelligence of future generations?

Great. Just what are you going to do about it?

Resource: How Teens Use Media. Nielsen, 2009.

Taming of the Shrew: Urban high schoolers make Shakespeare their own

“Here is a wonder, if you talk of wonder.”

Taming of the Shrew, Act Five, Scene 2

This quote was printed on the cover of the performance brochure of the 5^th annual Summer Theatre Institute – a production by Codman Academy Charter Public School and the Huntington Theatre Company in Boston. 

And it was a wonder, indeed.  Earlier this year I was struck by a teen program in the Berkshires, where a Shakespeare boot camp is offered as a remedial probation option for teens in trouble with the law.  Codman Academy has done something similar, to help its own students stay off the streets in the summers, particularly in the 3-7pm period when kids hang out.  The mastermind behind this is Meg Campbell, the Executive Director of the Codman School, who tirelessly works to create a safe and enriched learning environment for high schoolers living in tough neighborhoods – and who’s academic program graduates 100% of its seniors every year and from which 73% have gone on to college, work or the military.

And you can see why.  Having been in the school briefly one semester to work with students to help us develop bodimojo.com in its conceptual stage, I am happily on the email list for many of the student events.  This time I took four tweens in tow to see their first Shakespeare play.  It was hilarious.  Several of the performers I recognized – they must be juniors or seniors now – and was floored to see their commitment and confidence on a professional stage.  It was difficult at times to understand the actors, with a blend of an old English and urban dialect.  But even so, dressed in full Elizabethan garb, these kids’ comic ability was a marvel and filled in most of the gaps we may have missed.  The 12-year olds in my charge are presently in a theater boot camp at a local community theatre in a neighboring section of Boston, and for them it was all admiration on how these teens could learn such lines and remember their parts  – and it was endearing when the actors forgot a line or when to enter into dialog, or when they tried to stifle their own giggles. But those moments were few as this troupe really put on a good show.

At one moment, my daughter leaned over to me. Mom, are you crying, she asked. (Not an uncommon question in such venues).  I'm just so impressed, I told her, as I flicked a tear.

Hats off to Meg Campbell, the Directors of Education the Huntington Theatre Company, Lynne Johnson (also the play’s director) and Donna Glick – and, of course, to the students. I applaud you.

Kids are stressed out. Time to tune in.

So kids are more stressed out than parents think. That’s what the Stress in America survey showed by the American Psychological Association.  Tweens and teens are reporting tell tale symptoms of stress such as headaches and poor sleep.  What else? Kids worried about finances and their future.  In tough economic times, who wouldn’t be soaking up the societal stress, too? And according to the report, the disconnect among what teens and parents report is pretty discrepant. Ok, Ok, there may be a reporting bias. Parents answering the survey probably wanted to give the right answers suggesting the positive health of their children; maybe the teens did, too (it's called social desirability). But for heaven's sake, when almost half of tweens and teens are indicating they are stressed out and only 1 of 10 parents see that, there seems to be a problem.

• Tweens (30%) and teens (42%) say they get headaches vs. 13% of parents 

• Tweens (39 %) and teens (49%) cite difficulty sleeping vs. 13% of parents
• Tweens (27%) and teens (39%) report eating too much or too little vs. 8% of 
parents.

Now I remember not telling my mother much of anything once I was in high school; she just didn’t seem to get it.  If anything, she complained that I stayed up too late doing homework and that I slept too much on weekends.  She never understood why I had to have certain clothes or shoes… so I just up and got a job a soon as I could. (Jobs for teens these days?) So from a teen point of view - why bother explaining it all? That may be the sentiment of most teens, too.  After all, they're trying to be more independent and manage things on their own. Even in a culture where parenting has become more causal and friend-like, teens are still carving out their private lives. Major kid stressors include school work and peer relationships. Easier to chock that up to normal adolescence, parental amnesia, or dismissal (“When I was kid things were much tougher.”  “You don’t know how easy you have it.”) That parents underestimate the stress their children face is not all that surprising.  But the degree of difference in perception is.

It calls for more education to help youth cope and learn ways to manage stress. It would help if parents could learn stress management skills and model them, too.  Things like relaxation and downtime, deep breathing, considering alternative perspectives on a problem (cognitive reframing), taking a witnessing stance (rather than blame), practicing assertiveness and communication skills, and getting support. Helping parents understand the teen brain is key, too. Much more is known brain development that puts a lot of teen quirkiness into perspective. But here I am.  I’ve been teaching mind-body skills to medical patients for many years and constantly say these are life skills.  Why aren’t we teaching them early on?

There is plenty of research evidence that shows that health promotion and stress management programs work – for kids at risk due to social or economic circumstances, who have medical conditions, and suffer with anxiety or depressive symptoms.  But all children need these skills.  Such skills promote self-esteem and a sense of self-control – and could prevent the high risk taking that many teens engage in to either self-soothe, avoid stress, or feel connected (like substance use, disordered eating, early initiation of sexual behavior or dropping out of school, to name a few).  I suppose the good news is that the last several Youth Behavior Risk Surveillance surveys show a decrease in high-risk behaviors that can lead to early death (more kids wear seat belts and less kids drink alcohol or binge), which suggests that prevention programs may be working.  But there are many other symptoms that exist below the radar of extremes that don’t get much attention. Well, as we mind-body teachers say: Awareness is the first step.

Now take a deep breath.