Teens in Balance - Tara Cousineau, PhD

Empathy among teens: Lost or found?

Empathy. It seems that that the experience of this basic human emotion is on the decline among young people. In my recent lament about the deaths among a number of youths I  wondered what happened to basic empathy and regard for our kin.  Luckily, it seems to be a shared concern.  To wit, an article in today’s paper edition of Boston Globe, "Empathy is so yesterday" tackles the social science on the subject (Keith O’Brien, Oct 17, 2010). Today’s youth, he asserts, may be more aware of one another’s whereabouts, but  less likely to show genuine concern for others. This might be in part a consequence of incessant news bites, tragedy upon tragedy, and hurricane after tsunami after terror attacks. After all, we have to protect ourselves from the assault of such relentless, troubling communications. (I stopped watching TV news after having children, simply to avoid a night of fretful sleep and anxiety over “what ifs.”)

But what of this lack of empathy? Is empathy a worn out past-time dismissed by a generation of hyperspeaking tech freaks and self-involved capitalists? One might think so after seeing The Social Network. (Just sayin’.) There are the obvious societal culprits including the advent of the World Wide Web and the rapid dependence on technology, gadgets and instant messaging in one decade – for better and for worse. It's worth reflecting on the potential fall out for real human connection.  O’Brien does a little digging into the definition of empathy. (In fact, it's a relatively new 19^th century term derived from the German word, Einfuehling – irony notwithstanding). He also summarizes some fascinating research. The studies are relatively few (apparently only 72 to date) and the results are largely culled from written role play scenarios and self-reports with college students.  But here’s the upshot:  Since about 2000, there has been a “sudden” drop in two areas of empathy: Perspective taking (cognitive empathy) and empathic concern (emotional empathy). In fact, the drop in empathy concern, the physiological or felt experience of another's situation, has declined by 48% between 1979 and 2009, according to the Globe article.

This does not bode well for our young people. O’Brien points out, via interviews with researchers, that it is not the emotional capacity that may be lacking – after all, babies are born with an innate sense of empathy and feeling another’s distress cry – but that the context of modern life has shifted dramatically. He mentions the high divorce rate and media consumption as two possible influencers, as well as recessions, climate change, and other global situations that leave many feeling powerless. But we needn't feel this way.

I spent part of one evening this weekend at a small candle light march in Mattapan, at Morningstar Baptist Church, to pay respect to four people slain just a few weeks ago. I attended this intimate gathering with a group of teens from my town at a local parish, just one mile away. There is an invisible line between our two communities – and there exists, quite frankly, an apartheid. And it is to the credit of the two youth groups – and the ministers – that this vigil took place.

In the cold drizzle of an October evening, neighbors, black and white, walked together in song. In the shadows of worn three-decker buildings, past barking dogs behind chain-linked fences, and among the sputtering candle flames, these young people could imagine – for a moment at least – the last agonizing footsteps of the victims.  I think it changed them in some small way, if not great. How could it not? Huddled we were in collective grief at a sidewalk shrine. In person. Together. Strangers. Leaning into each other, lighting and relighting each other's candles, singing, whispering, praying and feeling. It was but a short moment in the scheme of our lives, but bodily felt.  And it is in such communal moments that truly, deep in my heart, I believe we shall overcome… someday.

 

Mindful Monday #8

Mindful Monday #7: Step out of your own way

Sometimes you just have to step out of your own way.

(c) Tara Cousineau, 2010 

Mindful Mondays

A week of mourning for our youth

Series: Tara’s Rants & Raves

Is anyone else’s heart breaking over the recent news of our young people? Last week’s news of the suicide of Rutgers University student, Tyler Clementi, 18 – and other recent suicides of youngsters just 13 years old – challenge our notions of tolerance, right to privacy, and human dignity.  One can only imagine the anguish of Tyler’s parents, and what I imagine would be the horrified and confused reaction of the perpetrators’ families. ("My child would never do this!") It’s difficult to accept that in an age of multicultural acceptance and openness to diversity – in particular among universities – that such “pranks” occur. But of course they do. The issue of wanting power over others will always exist, no matter what tools or means are handy… a webcam, the Internet, a threat, a gun, physical strength, emotional bribery, a crowd. 

On the anniversary of the original production of The Lamarie Project, the play that depicts the murder of Matt Shepard because he was gay, we are reminded again of the plight that so many of our gay and lesbian youth confront all too often. (The Laramie Project: 10 Years Later was recently performed at Emerson College, Boston.) In the twittersphere and YouTube, the message that has taken off in the wake of Tyler's suicide is a message of hope for GLBT teens:  it gets better. But where is the support now? Where is the support when these teens ask for help?  

Last week I commented on youth and online ethics, calling for a need to educate at all stages of youth development so that the lessons of common decency, regard for others, rules of online/offline etiquette and privacy can be mindfully and meaningfully absorbed. Adolescence entails a process of cognitive and emotional fits and starts and a progressive fine-tuning of thought processes, reasoning, problem-solving, and interpersonal skills that occur well into the early 20s – it’s important to repeat lessons so they can sink in.  The students who egregiously invaded Tyler’s privacy showed no sense of ethics.  Empathy, though, is a prerequisite for personal ethics – the capacity to feel another’s pain and see another’s perspective – to put oneself in another person’s shoes. This capacity is derived not from annual cyberbullying lectures, lesson plans and PSAs, but from the felt experience of acceptance and respect that happens in consistent, reciprocal interactions with caring others.

Clearly, we have to do more.

Just threes miles from where I live, the community of Mattapan, experienced one of the most violent acts of murder in recent history – execution style – of four people, mostly in their 20s: A young mother and her 2-year old son, two young men, with a third hanging on to life at a Boston hospital. News reports suggest the crime was related to drugs (pot).  But honestly, dragging a young woman who was sleeping, and her baby out of a house and shooting them? Why? Why? It's too much to bear in less than the span of one week. And yet one can’t turn away from a sense of communal responsibility to our neighbors and our youth.  At its very core the recent events are a call to action. At a simple level: To pay kind attention to those around us – and yes – to put oneself in another’s shoes. 

Why is that so hard?