Just as much as the childhood obesity crisis seems to be plaguing weekly headlines, so does the plight of childhood bullying. As recently as last month in my home state did a lovely young teen commit suicide after ongoing harassment by peers in her school. Commentary on the tragic event has been constant in terms of the failure that occurred in this school system, bullying legislation being pushed to the side, the problem of cyberbullying that magnifies the offline harassment, and what parents and schools can do to prevent it. NPR’s Here and Now, Robin Young discussed the issue today. Barbara Coloroso, a national expert and author of The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander, stated, “It’s a short walk from bullying to a hate crime.” She lives in Littleton, Colorado, the location of the Columbine school shootings.
Under this current atmosphere I picked up a book, Letters to
a Bullied Girl, compiled by two teenage sisters, Emily and Sarah Buder, who in a
concerted act of kindness, responded to a local news story about Olivia. Olivia
had been targeted after she had an epileptic episode in school. She changed school three times until
finally home-schooled. Picked out as different or flawed by female peers, the
length to which the harassment ensued was stunning in its cruelty. The girls
created a webpage promoting hatred of Olivia, wore “I hate Olivia” bracelets
and physically pushed her. You get
the idea. The forward of the book happens to be by Barbara Coloroso, who
describes bullying as acts of contempt. She also spells out the characteristics
of the bullying circle. It was on this latter note that I raised the subject
with my middle schooler. In relaying Olivia’s story, she responded with shock,
“That doesn’t happen in my school!”
But it could and it might.
Most bullying remains under the radar. My level-headed tween could unwittingly ignor what might
seem as typical kid joshing around and not realize that some kid might be
getting that all the time -- relentlessly and without mercy. It’s not ok to stand by. I think she gets it.
The story of the Buber sisters as compassionate activists is instructive. Letters to a Bullied Girl is a selection of thousands of letters that poured in and is remarkable in its breadth. It’s the kind of book you can only read in spurts as the stories and support in the letters are, at times, heart wrenching. Of course, there are many historical stories of such cruelty and wars, current and past, based on power and contempt, and those that stood by.
A famous case in psychology defined the phenomenon of the bystander effect. Most college students learn about it in an intro psych course. While not about bullying per se, the 1964 murder of Kitty Genovese brought to light a curious aspect of human behavior: the diffusion of responsibility. There were 38 people that either saw the attack on Kitty or heard her scream and no one did anything about it until it was too late (or so it has been told in the telling and retellings). Since then numerous social psychology experiments have demonstrated the effect: people think others are around; they assume some else will take some responsibility and figure “why bother?”
It’s the same with bullying, the expression of which has found a contemporary digital medium that keeps bullying alive, 24-7. A kid can’t hide in the comfort of home anymore. Bullying, online and off line, is a bother we all have to watch out for. Thanks to two sisters who began a letter writing campaign that started with an email -- and the media that kept an inspiring news story alive -- hope and kindness prevailed.
Resource: Stop Bullying Now
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